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What are the unique personality traits of people who maintain healthy international relationships?

This is a very good question and it gives me the opportunity to explain what I regard as ‘minimum requirements’ to enter the international world. I am absolutely convinced that single-minded persons and those who do not really appreciate anything that differs from their routine, habits and beliefs, are ill-suited for such relationships. It is a personal view, of course, but over the years, meeting with couples similar to ours, I have noted that such persons do accept differences with difficulty and manage changes of habits very badly. I am not saying that their relationships will not work or that they are not caring persons but, on the long term, these personalities are going to impact the couple somehow.

Open-mindedness, then, is one of the first characteristics that international couples should possess. It goes without saying, naturally, that this does not mean a blind acceptance of all the differences of the partner but, instead, a mature and non-conflictive approach to them. International couples are blessed with having the chance of being able taste the best out of two or three cultures. If they are close-minded or simply do not need what is best in other cultures then why are they together?

For those couples that come from different language groups, I reckon that a minimum ability with languages is a great help. I have met couples in which one of the partners completely disregarded the partner’s language. Because of language ability (and laziness too), for years they went on speaking just in one language. Needless to say, when the couple was off visiting relatives and friends where the other language was spoken, one of them was cut out of the conversation and completely clueless about what was going on. I do understand that language, as math for example, is not for everyone but an effort should be made all the same. It also increases intimacy within the couple.

I am also convinced that a certain degree of stubbornness is needed. Why? Well, as it happens in school, sometimes people like to gang up on those that are different. And international couples are different. People in such relationships may be foreigners, they may speak different languages, they may have different skin colors, faiths, accents…In my experience, I have seen people that get too stressed when comments or innuendos are made and stress impacts the couple. Being in such relationships, where there are possibly more issues than in ordinary ones, is like starting up a business and listen to negative comments and many friends saying that it will never succeed. You have got to believe in your feelings and forget the differences.

What advice would you give to a single man or woman interested in starting an international relationship with someone?

Truth be told, I do not really think that one can choose to start an international relationship on purpose but, should one fell in love with an international partner, I would recommend to dive into it as open minded as possible, enjoy the cultural richness, the different flavors, the opposite point of views and be patient with the myriad of small differences. After all, no pain, no gain!

Thanks Tony!

was lucky enough to get an interview with the president of Zidelity and talk about the service they provide for their members.